Because God gave us you....

Because God gave us you....

This was the title of the book we gifted Hannah 1 year ago on her 6 th birthday. As I look back I know I was affirming to her ( and to me) that God was the one who gave her to us and He had absolute authority over her life as well. Today,had she been here, she would have been seven.

Like I always say, God is good and what he does is good. In his wisdom it seemed good to Him to direct things this way.

We want to make it a tradition in our family to speak about Hannah and to think about her a lot on her birthday and teach our other children everything about her and what we have learned, as we went through this school of sorrow. We want to visit her cemetery and teach our children though her body lies there, she is with the Lord. We want to remind ourselves and teach our children that we will all see her one day that is, if they put their trust in Jesus Christ as their sister once did. We want to thank God for giving her to us and helping us raise her through our mistakes and wisdom and enabling us to be witnesses unto Him even in her death.

Because God gave us you, we will continue to love you...

Happy Birthday Hannah

In the pursuit of His glory

Let me start of by apologising for lack of posts these days. Abigail transitioned from 2 naps a day to single nap which gives mom just enough time to catch up with the bare essentials of life. So blogging has been on the back burner for all these days. While I was away, I had been thinking much about writing a post on pursuit.

Any one who has received a mail from me in the recent past must have come across this signature "in the pursuit of His glory". This is something that has been in my mind for quite some time now. I have meditated much on this little phrase. At one point I even re dedicated my life for this pursuit. This is how I want to live. Everything I do, must be counted towards His glory. All the trials and difficulties must manifest His glory. Every desire must be delightful and God honoring and bring much glory to God. My life should center around his throne in the pursuit of his glory.

I even found a verse that echoes with this desire of mine. It is Isiah 26;8

The desire of our soul is for Your name
And for the remembrance of You.

When my life is summed up, I want everyone to remember that it was a life spend in the pursuit of His glory. When I lie in my coffin (unless I am taken away in rapture) I want to reflect glory to God. I wish my head stone would read ( If I have one) "In the pursuit of His glory".

There is nothing more worthy than living your life for the glory of God and counting it all joy what ever we endure.

Dear Hannah

Dear Hannah,

Today, its six months since I saw you last. I can't believe its been half a year yet it seems like ages. Your sister is already a year old, something you wanted to celebrate much. We celebrated her birthday just like you dreamed when you were here, with balloons at your cousin's place. We have never heard "Appa" "Amma" since you went. But couple of days back your little sister has started calling us both, "Appa" and "Amma" again. It has brought such joy to us more than we can explain. She also says "chechi" when she looks at your pictures. I know you would have been so proud and over joyed yourself to hear it. We miss you everyday and though God had caused the pain to lessen, we still yearn and long to be together again with you. Love you much,

Your Amma.

Grief is undeniable

I read somewhere that grief is undeniable but misery is an option. This I found to be very true. What ever way you exhibit it, be it denial or bargain or depression, we all go through a little bit of all the grief reactions. But at the same time, there is a percentage of people who choose to be miserable over the loss. I think grieving with hope is the key not to grieve with misery.

Grief in itself is hard to take. Who wants to add misery to it? So please know that there is hope in grieving and that is what this blog is all about.

"...Nor the hope of the afflicted ever perish"

During and after the days of Hannah's passing, I have had people ask me different questions. Some wanted to know why I did not cry and others asked me if it was post traumatic shock or God's strength/ peace that held me together. To be honest, I did not know at that time what held me together because that was my first experience with a loss of such magnitude. Even now my peace amazes me!

But, I know one thing. It is time for any shock, any numbness to slowly give way to an underlying flood of emotions or an overwhelming grief reaction to surge in and break me down. But thank God that has not happened. So I strongly believe I was not in shock. Without neglecting the grief process on one hand and undermining the peace that God gives (which is peace that passes all understanding) I want to derive at some conclusions as to what holds me together, which I think might encourage some of you.

• I loved God more that I loved Hannah
• I believe God does not make any mistakes.
• I believe the steps of the righteous are ordered by the Lord and so everything that happens to me is within the knowledge of my God.
• I am contended with my Masters decisions in my life
• I believe Psalms 119:68 Lord you are good and what you do is good.

Now, you may ask what is so good about losing your loved one, your first born, the apple of your eye..? In all humility my answer is I do not know all the details but here's what I know...

• In my makers wisdom it seemed good to Him to call Hannah home
• It seemed good to him that I buy gold refined in fire( an illustration in the bible referring to trials) that I become rich ( rich towards Him)
• It seemed good to him that I be wounded and faithfully afflicted so He could heal me.
• It seemed good to Him that this way, I would look forward to his coming
• It seemed good to Him that I would learn some lessons in the school of sorrow for His glory.

What ever it is I have hope when I grieve. Do you? Do you know the one in whom my hope rests? My hope rest on a person. His name is Jesus. He died for my sins. God raised him from the dead. He is coming back again. I look forward to His coming when I can go with Him and see Hannah one day. Like the bible says in Psalms 9:18

But the needy will not always be forgotten ,

nor the hope of the afflicted ever perish.

Sorry to keep you waiting. This is what was inside the silver cup. I was truly blessed to know that she loved worshipping the Lord which she must be doing now!! I was also blessed to know that God helped her the week before she passed away. I still do not understand how the third question applies. But, someday I will.