But, I know one thing. It is time for any shock, any numbness to slowly give way to an underlying flood of emotions or an overwhelming grief reaction to surge in and break me down. But thank God that has not happened. So I strongly believe I was not in shock. Without neglecting the grief process on one hand and undermining the peace that God gives (which is peace that passes all understanding) I want to derive at some conclusions as to what holds me together, which I think might encourage some of you.
- I loved God more that I loved Hannah
- I believe God does not make any mistakes.
- I believe the steps of the righteous are ordered by the Lord and so everything that happens to me is within the knowledge of my God.
- I am contended with my Masters decisions in my life
- I believe Psalms 119:68 Lord you are good and what you do is good.
Now, you may ask what is so good about losing your loved one, your first born, the apple of your eye..? In all humility my answer is I do not know all the details but here's what I know...
- In my makers wisdom it seemed good to Him to call Hannah home
- It seemed good to him that I buy gold refined in fire( an illustration in the bible referring to trials) that I become rich ( rich towards Him)
- It seemed good to him that I be wounded and faithfully afflicted so He could heal me.
- It seemed good to Him that this way, I would look forward to his coming
- It seemed good to Him that I would learn some lessons in the school of sorrow for His glory.
What ever it is I have hope when I grieve. Do you? Do you know the one in whom my hope rests? My hope rest on a person. His name is Jesus. He died for my sins. God raised him from the dead. He is coming back again. I look forward to His coming when I can go with Him and see Hannah one day. Like the bible says in Psalms 9:18
But the needy will not always be forgotten ,
nor the hope of the afflicted ever perish.