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Disciple of Jesus Christ, saved by grace, pressing on to take hold of that for which Christ took hold of me (Phil 3:12). Blessed to be the crown of my husband and a steward of 3 children entrusted to us. I have the gift of today and hope of tomorrow. I am driven by the pursuit of His glory and maybe I have come to the kingdom for such a time as this (Esther 4:13)! As a family the desire of our soul is for His name and for the remembrance of Him.(Isaiah 26:8).

Saturday, December 13, 2008

Fear of Death.

I have always wondered as to what will happen to me after I die. And I know for sure most of you have done so also. I have thought " Will I cease to exist?, Will I become a soul and roam around?, Will the angels come and take me to heaven, if so when do they come, right after I breathe my last or do they wait for sometime?" Now this is the worst of the series... " How will I know when to get out of my body? Will it be safe to get out and if I don't see the angels... then what??"

Oh, I can go on and on with these thoughts.. At one point and all this before Hannah passed away, I said ," Lord I don't want to be alone when I die, I want my husband to die with me." Creeping out of my dead body as a soul and looking around for angels or chariots or even worse asking them for a ride to heaven, was too much to even imagine doing together, let alone on my own!!"Travelling through death's door was horrifying for me, UNTIL Hannah passed away.

Hannah's home going opened my eyes to see something that most has not seen. The bible says that if you believe in your heart Jesus is Lord and confess that he died for your sins and was raised to life and if you give the Lordship of your life to Jesus Christ, you are saved and born again. For this person, when they die, they are with the Lord. That is when you take your last breath here, next thing, you are in the presence of Jesus. The apostle Paul says "To be absent from the body is to be with the Lord". How that happens I don't know, But I know for sure now that I don't have to crawl or creep out of my body and wait for the call " I can help the next guest in line....". This has become a reality to me now. It's an assurance that I don't have to lie in the box waiting.... I am not there in the casket when I die....What others see is just my outer covering. I might be walking on the heaven's street of gold when people walk up the aisle to get a glimpse of my outer shell!

Oh! what a joyous day that is! Fulfillment of all that I ever waited for. To set my face on my maker! I wouldn't trade that for anything.Nothing in the world can give me that kind of ecstasy.The bible says the earth and everything in it will pass away. But there is only one thing that does not pass, God. So that's where I want to be, after I finish what my Saviour has called me to do. This makes me ask " Oh death, where is your victory?" Death has lost its sting since Jesus died and defeated death. I don't fear dying anymore. If I die, that means my duty here is over. What ever means I die of. This confidence is on a personal level.

But I have people who ask me but what about a loved one dying, what about our children....? I don't assume to know why God calls some when they are 5 and why some others from their mothers womb yet some others in their 90's. Those are done according to Gods perfect wisdom and when it happens I can only say that God has helped them to finish their race. Their race is finished whether that fetus got to see the world outside or not. According to God's timing, Hannah lived a full life. I have had people send me cards that read " sympathising in the untimely death of your daughter" I wanted to scream when I saw it. I believed, her death was timely. I believed God had given her to me for 6 years for some reason only he knows. I believed she lived a full life. Knowing all these is one thing, and preparing for another event of such magnitude is another thing. By going through this trial, I have become more appreciative of God's sovereignty and wisdom. But that, in NO WAY makes me prepared for another one like this....When you say, you are afraid if something might happen to your child, I hear you. I am not prepared either...but there is a thin assurance within me that says " God you are good and what you do is good." Psalms 119:68 Even if no one sees any good in it, I see... by faith ( sometimes only by faith). I know he does not make any mistakes... I also know that we are called to be faithful...He is writing HIS story... He has been writing... since creation and all this while did we ever think that He is allowing us to write OUR story?? Oh, how mistaken we are!! We have shifted the focus to us. The stage is His and the lights should always be on him because it is His story and He uses everything for His glory. Now, did I know this when I gave my heart to Jesus, perhaps not. I only knew He loved me so much as to die for me and wanted me to give my allegiance to him. But will knowing this now, make me walk back? Never. As apostle Peter said, " The words of eternal life are with you master, where shall we go apart from you." So all those who are afraid of the death of a loved one, let me tell you when you crash against something you don't understand about, fall back on what you already know. Exchange what you don't know with what you know. And what you know is,

Lord you are good and what you do is good.!! Psalms 119:68

1 comment:

Heather said...

I found your blog through Entrecard. I'm very sorry for your loss. Your Hannah was a beautiful little girl. I can see just from the pictures that she was full of life. Thank you for sharing her with us.