I have had many of my friends and loved ones ask me, " Is it difficult for you this time of the year?" or " How are you coping with your loss, in this season?" I had thought about it much. For me losing Hannah and living with that loss is the same pretty much everyday. But I also understand that the celebrations of the season makes it hard for people who have had losses. They are not in the mood to celebrate but they see everyone but them, enjoying. They look at every family that is intact and think, Why just us?
I went through such an emotional war last week. I was eating breakfast by myself and I cried out to the Lord, " Lord, this accident that happened is so ugly. You could have called her home many other ways. I am always going to carry this ugly memories all my life, there is nothing good about this, Lord. Even after many years, when people look at it they are going to shudder. How are you ever going to glorify your name through this ugly accident Lord?" As Faithful as my Lord is, He met me at the breakfast table in a wonderful way that I think is worthy of mentioning in this blog. He said " My child, Look to the cross, it is even uglier than this. When my son died (for you), he was marred beyond recognition. There was nothing desirable about him. When he who created the universe hung upon that Roman cross, When he who knew no sin, took upon the sins of the world, When it was a curse to be hanging on a tree, yet when he took your curses, my child, it was uglier still. It was so ugly that I couldn't look at it. But that ugly thing, the Roman cross is the crux of the christian faith. Without that cross, there would have been no forgiveness of sins. My child, I am talking to you today only because of that cross. You ask me how I glorify my name through this, my child, I always use the foolish things of this world, the despised things, things that are not worthy to glorify my name."
So today if you have a despised thing, an ugly incident, give it to my Potters hand. He has been mending many specks and spots through the ages. I quote Corrie ten boom who said "There is no pit so deep that God's love is not deeper still." So with the merriment and the joy this season brings, I am going to trust a father who once lost His son(Yes, to the Roman cross) and spend time with Him, knowing Him more.
- Disciple of Jesus Christ, saved by grace, pressing on to take hold of that for which Christ took hold of me (Phil 3:12). Blessed to be the crown of my husband and a steward of 3 children entrusted to us. I have the gift of today and hope of tomorrow. I am driven by the pursuit of His glory and maybe I have come to the kingdom for such a time as this (Esther 4:13)! As a family the desire of our soul is for His name and for the remembrance of Him.(Isaiah 26:8).